Mom

Warning: The first two episodes of this series are difficult for some to listen to. Skip a head to episode three to where Gillis's life story begins.

We deep dive into one of Gillis's most influential figures in his life, his Mom. Its a story of battles. Battles with addiction, battles with child services and battles with life.

Transcript

spk_1:   0:15
welcome to see Canapes Side off Plain English Army host Erin. Hey, thanks to everyone who listened to the first episode, we got some great feedback from people that was very constructive. Weak way also discovered that is another podcast called plain English, where they try and help people learn proper English. I can't stress this enough. Me and Gillis and not the people wanna learn English from. So if you've made that mistake, please have a look for the other one. We did get some great feedback like I can't hear Gillis over my lawn mower waas. That guy eating the whole time would fix those that were raised. Gillis is levels up any East Wiz Nutty popcorn again. If you haven't listened to the first upset in this your first time listening, please go back and listen to the 1st 1 These aren't really stand alone. Part stand light episodes when I see it. Podcast. There was another one. Don't say podcast too much. Um, go back and listen to the first episode that touches on Gillis is dead and gives a bit inside of what we're referencing to today. Today's one is an emotional one. It was draining for me. I can't imagine what it was like for Gillis. Again, these things aren't really a conversation. This is more just Gillis pouring his heart out with these stories. I try not to interject too much. I do jumping, however, with questions when things are going a bit emotional in their Mason seem insensitive. But it's just me trying to move the conversation along. This is a long one. It's about air and 1/2. So if you guys did want to split the this happened 2 to 2 parts. The 45 minute spot is a good one to break it. What I have learned from the last couple of episodes is that Gillis has a ridiculous memory now if someone in this world needed to forget some of the shit he's been through in life as probably Gillis, but he's being blessed or cursed with this memory off being up to remember, even centers like he he references the sensation of having cold hands and the episode today. So I mean, this is this is good for us because we get to hear a lot to detail on what's going on, but maybe a curse for that guy. So, um, we move into today's episode and it is all about Mum. Hope you guys enjoy. Just before we get started, I need to warn you guys, there is harsh language. There's some brutal topics raising the absurd today. So listen, that discretion is strongly, strongly, strongly advised. Did get a few comments like, was he fucking eating? At least I was easy in Boca

spk_0:   2:53
this shit. So because it's sweet and it's spicy and tangy, so in its buttery and salty it's like everything all in parking. So once you make it and you smell it, you can't. Not you, Andrew. Luck in heaven, in our view.

spk_1:   3:06
Okay, Fair enough. First the upside. What do you think of it?

spk_0:   3:13
It was all right. I was kind of all over the place, but I didn't Really I was, uh I do it all myself in, I think more because I was working getting caught up in my head like that. I think communities like if I started telling the story and end up taking off

spk_1:   3:30
in it. The feedback I got was we got pretty good stories because you were kind of all over the place. I think you'd start talking about something, then remember a story so I don't think was a bad thing.

spk_0:   3:41
All right, What's the way in my head? Works anyways, are not circus up there

spk_1:   3:49
to recap on the last episode Got a few questions for you. 1st 1 was the grandmother that you talk about that blamed your father's death on your mother. Is that your deads mother?

spk_0:   4:02
That's my That's my dad's mother. My grandma. She's from Holland, and she'd always say she always saved me when I was younger and so, like from, like B or something until I could about 11. She was kind of in my life, and that's what I would say. They were big. And she's one up my grandfather, whose French native you brought back from, uh, World War two as a war bride. And he passed away right out for my dad, so of ah so cancer. He smoked a pipe and drink these really hot kind of coffee. Hot toddy. You want to see it over some? It's like really hot drink. They used to drink back in. You are. It was from your morning Ontario.

spk_1:   4:51
So were you quite close with your grandma Roe head that work.

spk_0:   4:55
But that was a long run, Cherie. Uh, yeah, I was closer. They're not. And not at the same time. I wouldn't because I knew she really like me because I reminded her of my dad. And I liked her loss because she treated me especially computer, my brothers and sister. And she's doing one that tried to take me to stay with her. But then that fucked up should happen with my uncle. And that's her son, right? My dad, brother and working are you are our relationship helper. After after I got sent away, back to everyone street my mom to a foster home or what? But I got shipped out a Tim, and that's where it was Northern Ontario. Timmons back to send to be.

spk_1:   5:37
So you told her about what happened, and then she shipped out straight away.

spk_0:   5:41
Yeah, there is, like, Jim Beam or some other. I was young, so I didn't get I wasn't privy to what her thoughts were. Nothing. I just remember telling her, and I remember her looking at me, and I remember her. All right. First told her, actually, no, I get it. I think about it now. Grown up ice. I didn't. She leave me when I first told her. And I think everything after was her trying to figure out what the best thing that you about is Yeah, me like my dad. I don't leave my dad. My I don't think you My dad was alive. You're a human. Fucking lost his shit on. That's why I think I think while it is this guy. But if I would never tried, it wouldn't. Maybe in a different situation. He was my dad's younger brother, and he's a little off. He's not. I don't would be technically strokes. I don't think so. Like, like not where he would get, like, a disability or nothing. Yeah, he's kind of off kiddies. Usually good, chubby, nerdy kid. I remember when I was really small, um, seeing pictures of him and stop. That's kind of what you looked like. And then so, as a young adult, so you wouldn't be would have been, like 2123 when he tried in less than me working. Uh, he was fucked up in head. Kind of like a little bit. I could tell us a kids that was wrong. So I think my grandma, I don't know, just swept it under the rug. Maybe work. I don't know. Honestly, I don't. I just remember I was going back home or back to a foster home. Can't remember for sure.

spk_1:   7:13
And then after that incident, did you keep a UFC? The relationship fell apart with the grammar. But what? What happened? When did she passed away? I'm guessing cheese passed away.

spk_0:   7:22
Well, okay. What? She's in northern Ontario. She's in Timmins. I mother back in a very short distance thing. That's how it was with all my dad's side of the mountain. After my father passed away, my dad said her family was really distant simply because of distance. And my grandma and grandpa would come to see me. Remember? Right after my dad died, and when my grandma got come to see me, remember, we went for ice cream, and it was at the store that was still, um, in the neighborhood where you So that means they would have came to see me early on when we went to the emergency foster homes that were in in the area under baby. Um, and they passed away. So and then I would like, never seen my grandmother, Olsen. I was going to live with her and see her lot for a moment. And then maybe Mr and I thought about him into school. Everywhere I got shipped, your thought was cooling somebody new and work in. Then that should happen. Every I was only there for about two months if that he started. He tried to be the rude over anyway, so I guess it was just love her. His nature, our research ship go.

spk_1:   8:30
Um, And you, Grandma, she's also passed away. Do you know much about what happened with that side of the family now? Well, that was kind of

spk_0:   8:37
Ah, yeah. OK, well, short answer your I went to prison the way I'm all the way up here. I talked to my sister on Facebook a little bit about recent because she's hard to talk to you as a whole nother story. She's Yeah. Um, and she told me my grandma died. She passed away. She said stricter funeral on. She told me it was snowing, and that was the only detailed I wasn't talking necessarily at the time and started get details and I was about five years ago, so she lived pretty long. She lived to be very old.

spk_1:   9:11
Yeah, And then the other story from the first episode that we must out on that I didn't circle back to was how did you claim your dad's teeth? What happened in that incident? Oh, hey, said you took his teeth up.

spk_0:   9:26
Yeah, My mom was all proud of me for doing She always tell the stories when she jumped. Uh, my dad used to make this working fool. You fucking awesome. You take hamburger when fry it up, And I remember he put black strap molasses And that's where I think I learned what black stroke glasses was in the word. And so he would put this right into the into the hamburger when he's frying it so I could taste like sweet and yeah, salt and pepper from a little bit of molasses, wherever it would be really good. He brown it and then he'd put working beans in there and he had a potato is going to same time. You make mashed potatoes and then he makes it all together. So just like be because with beans and this have your mixing trip and popular. And this was this thing he like, threw me. I loved it. I know that. He also he promised to make some with me. And when he's drinking everything, I read it all night. I guess working. And I don't remember how long I read your stuff. I just remember in the morning I remember going into hamburger because this part of my memory I have because I remember being cold in my fingers. What was going on? This thing is called, uh but I don't remember the night before my but my mom says the reason I was matters because my dad problems He was gonna make this with me and then got drunk and slept all for the rest of the night so you wouldn't get up in the morning. So I was coming in with this frozen hamburger while he's asleep and my mom was in. So if I come in the door, my dad's on this side of the bed facing me, and then my mom would be behind her. I was coming with this, uh, frozen hamburger. My mom left her head up, and this is where she tells me. Her part is very true. She says when she took their head up, she lme my nickname when I was a kid was porky because I was a little bit of a chubby baby up until about two years old. I know it's weird because they have never bad on since Uh huh. And she porky at me and I through the fucking hamburger. And I was crying like mad Brian through the hamburger. Adam, he's fast asleep proof right in the fucking mouth. And I knocked out his two front teeth. And my mom, she had her teeth knocked over by my dad. Right? So my dad also had knocked out my stepdad's d. Remember, I'm sleeping with him before. I mean, when you that shit. So it was kind of they're happy. Probably whatever. Because I did It was not good.

spk_1:   11:49
That's frozen, mate for us and made us what cost it

spk_0:   11:54
wasn't Hammer your cost in his front teeth yet.

spk_1:   11:57
Voy next on. My son has asked me to do things. I'm gonna make sure I do it after that story. Um, you said what was it? Black black strip mill esus,

spk_0:   12:11
Black strap molasses. I remember. So that's like molasses. It comes what comes and probably all kinds of containers, but one I remember it looks like seeing kind of thing is a milk container. And it's like yellow and black. Yeah. You know, uh, together one way, no yellowing, brownish black like that's molasses is inside and has a screw cap on. If I have to remember this show whenever still make today and it's molasses, comes or, you know, molasses. It's like super sweet Bert Sugar or something. Yeah, yeah, some type of shit. It's really fucking good on hamburger. And my mom, This trick, my mom must have learned from my dad to or whatever, because when my mom brown's meat to make spaghetti, she puts molasses in it too. Is it that hamburger is awesome? Look at it was nice. And Brown and Chris people should try it.

spk_1:   13:05
And you said just then it. So you know the word black strap, molasses. I'll see if I can guide you into a story that I remember you telling me. How do you know the phrase salting people here? There were salt and pepper here,

spk_0:   13:23
something pepper hair hit from from in my daughter told me that I was a grappa. No. Oh, because I remember. I don't know. Gray hair. My daughter told me fucking I was a grandfather started

spk_1:   13:36
something to do with, um and Naked

spk_0:   13:39
Road. There's a lot of fucked up shit in my life Mean that go

spk_1:   13:42
into asylum person that your uncle had living in trailers.

spk_0:   13:49
Oh, well, that's crazy shit. Straight. That's Ah, Beatrice was her name. She was one of the mental cases. I really want

spk_1:   13:57
to run this. Run us through that host throw. You've got to tell that one because that's one that I like,

spk_0:   14:03
Right? Okay. Walking. The cops would be going to get him now. I can't imagine still going on. So my Uncle Albert who He's like a piece of shit. It's guy. He is one that rape my mother and she. He's the reason she had to run away when she was 17 to all the way from Southern Ontario. And then Miss Coke is Mac your Ontario little small fucking. But please, everyone's relieving. There's, like, four or five last names. All of them are in my family tree. It's fun. It's like the town that cost forgot anyways, to my Uncle Island has this property, and it's very famous properties, big piece of property. It's even called the Ponderosa, as if they call this place only. And like everyone in Mac, you're knows him knows what's going on. It's a small little town, Google. It's in the southern Ontario street of Humility ship. So? So when I was there, so that would be like in the ease. So in the eighties, it was still the generator hillbilly fucking stuff going on there. My mom took us there to get away from the Children's aid to the Children's aid, were taking us to the Children. Remember when Mom got his back? Remember, we're off few Southern Ontario and the other police my mom tried runners with. This was to the reserve. Jonesy found a spoon times I remember going back to Boston. So it was. My mom takes us back to this place where she got really rate, you know, I only because you and sure enough, that was the other place where I almost got molester. I didn't get molested, but it was that bad. Right truck. I don't know what you see, but whatever. Um, it was a different story. So this property, my fucking So he's my grade up all. So I was told his like, my uncle I would I call him still, too. He had a bunch of fucking mental patients from penetrating machine. It's a mental hosts. Pimentos, a mental work in asylum. Ah, not host fucking where they've got, I guess lots, massive amounts of much people. If you hitchhiked bipedal tang machine, they have signs up saying not to pick up a hitchhiker. There's odds. Are somebody that runaway that was are, you know, later custody and took off from the place. Uh, so my uncle Elwood on his property at a whole bunch of trail is that none of us kids were allowed to go in here and play. You know, I remember. I remember a couple of one needs to remind me of, you know, those old silver toasters that air tight around, right?

spk_1:   16:27
I think they called toasters. You sent because that you

spk_0:   16:30
talk anyway. Way kruky show overlooking metal.

spk_1:   16:37
That cool is extreme trailers. Nothing East dream.

spk_0:   16:42
Anyways, they have changed the locks on all the doors because in a mild ever have all these mental people that he had from the mental hosts, and he would lock them in there and he had bust him. And, like we're told, you go near, you use trailers, and he reflect all their checks from fucking there. Whatever things, they're severely his wards. He had a mall there, each of them locked up in a Children were in the Bush league. Fucking that guy thinking stuff that's going back. So? So when I was there, I was, like, nine years old, 89 years old, something like that. Between eight. And 10. Um, and I was pretty young, but I was still old enough. Like, you know, I could comprehension. I remember being a school, remember? Joan Jett was fucking I had that song. I love rocking, rolling shit work. And so my alcohol, we would have these mental people and when he get all drunk and he was so this property has got to think it's nuts. He's got a big house. It's like a ranch ranch style house. Fucking got it. Wallet's missing floorboards, missing stuff being built. Rooms with closes. Howlingly the fucking head Height. Higher half. Half the room. Power 30. Pc close. It's a fucked up fucking building, right? My Uncle Timmy remarking to me, My cousin Timmy lived in there. It will coloured. And, um, my aunt surely, Mom, my She was native. She was from a reserve post by their and are generally reserved. And my cousin Timmy was a Julian Schnabel, and we would play around on the property and stuff, and he tells not going to use these. So sometimes you'd be drunk, and you take them out and then, you know, fuck around with Don't make fun of them, get them drunk. Great dorm in front of his friends, like this was the fucked up shit. And so, you know, we'd be we'd be like, you know, hiding teenies room or outside were like, right there. I was right there, bro. Like I was a part of the group, you know? I mean, because we're kids and stuff, but great. Repair my own eyes. I saw him do this to this woman features. And the reason I remember it is a consultant. Pepper is God. She pulled her panties down and shit, Remember, Should salt with pepper juice care. And I was the first time I had seen fucking pubic hair on a woman as our part as a jamboree and such. But I remember seeing the salt and pepper hair was from fucking Beatrice. I still remember her name. She was an old mentor. Patients. He's really skinny older woman They like, just so frail in shit. And if you just threw around looking, I just make a fucking whatever. I don't know. Look, that I don't remember that I remember him for pulling down her pants is up. Remember seeing that? I don't mean like giving my cousin theory must have walked off or something. I don't know, because I don't I don't remember in that house. I served him. But I do remember another time her sitting on a chair. Ah, I had the other 20 for I can't remember. Their names are just very name sticks in my head, and they're all at this trucking table and front. Another know what kind of working rotten fucking food yet on the walking cable. They're trying to eat it. I just remember thinking, Yeah, each people looking. I don't know. I knew the food was something was wrong with. It was bad that he speed. And I know that it wasn't for anybody else. It was for them. And they're sitting at this table, and you're like making them eat their like his hostages, like they were his fucking prisoners. And you think all the reaping? Yes. So he raped my mother so bad. Remember, I said there was six of us altogether, But 1st 1 died in the last one day, and it was because my mom wasn't supposed to have us kids. Her insides. My mom. So she's one telling me this story, right? Right. So sometimes I knows my mom were working in Bella shit, but she she said that she was your sister. Somebody's shape. Nothing was off limits. If you my mom telling me like my mom was that Ramon Mystery broke right, and she's like her insider out stops. You're saying she wasn't supposed to have us kids? And so my oldest brother died right after being born in the youngest One died of some type of birth copulation, complications and just the four of us in the middle of I. So this fucking reader was doing that shit down there, and that's that's this view you don't talk about my mom. That's been the start of my mom, sparking teenage like that. I know this. That's still the story I know of my mom telling me, other than another one where when she was a little girl and this was dismayed to this previous. Also, I just want to Where is telling my so much? So this on my mom's side, right? This is the He'll be side my mom cider English and work in Germany. And then the Germans actually Rahman either Gypsies that took away two sisters around away from Germany. When Hitler was acting up. I went to England and found met two brothers, one's Welsh and one's brothers. Two best friends ones Welsh and one's English Jack Digit unless Watkinson and, uh married them and then came to Ontario to work on the road of these two friends and in their kids. So my grandma and grandpa from them from these two sisters are first cousins. So my mom, Julius hillbilly m bred, born from two. The ship s That's that side of the family, which my mom was born into this. No, my mom was a little girl, and she tells me this story and again she tells like anything, dearie, Really memory over grandfather in my grandma and my grandma. I get mad at my grandpa for his working crazy shit, and it's just a bizarre story. My grandfather used to go down the tracks and used to watch this woman. So apparently my mom says she had gone blonde hairs with a beautiful woman and she had to shepherd dogs and see you step out. She's letting dogs spark. Uh, not my grandfather. He was Sit there, watch drinking, right? And that I I can picture that part because I always remember him always with a bottle of whiskey and chewing snuff and stuff. Used kind of strange character. Um, and some amongst my mum Paul them one time down the tracks where he was going to my grandmother's. You know, I just get married. Are you bought it? So my mom decide? Oh, I don't know. And she witnessed my grandfather. So her dad watching this woman British working ship, these shepherds. Hey, I I imagine fucking I don't know. I didn't see a resurgence. My mom tells me this and then yes, my mom's when it told my Grandma. It was a big fight about it. Never seeing. And my grandma? Never. That's my grandpa. Live it on. Whatever. But she doesn't have sexism or anything. Like they stay together. Don't have section this with my grandma has sexual. All of my grandpa is best friends. I remember thinking I was a kid. I was like, I know Grandma's and grandpa's They're supposed to together, like, not sleep with people when I was a kid. I know that shit. And I suppose we're all the time. She'd be drunk and have her arm around different other guys that were around, uh, less less so he must have been. I wonder who he was. His his name was less two and her dad. You know her. So it would be her uncle. My God, His dad. Right? His name is last two less walks in jack budget. So it must have been one of his kids. So my grandma was fucking around with this guy, too. So now that I'm thinking about this book, that was probably another cousin of hers cause you're the same name as my But there was this less guy around should always be kissing upon the human shit. Shit. Okay. She take off with him. They nothing is like, you know, when people having sex and shipping building. But I know she was sleeping with him, and she's sleeping this other guys to come around. She needs to get crazy in that host. This is my grandma Grandpa's house. And they would be crazy. Schilling broach. Others use up, right? Right. When I said you're really share working, uh, picture cloth, whatever. Putting the guy stank and blew It blew up front Landes to do what I used to play with, um, and then my Uncle Murray or Funny story. But Montgomery, he, uh we're going to restore the dunk. Okay. Looking for shit. Whatever. Dump on. And ah, I guess Malcolm Murray would take parts off stoves and fridges and stuff. So he was. He was bent down at a stove, and he was taking the fuses up from the bottom. It just needs to be, you know, old slows and their uses in the bottom. He was taking those out, and I guess a little black bear, but still a fucking black bear and come up on the other side of the stove and then it stood up on the stops. It was standing, I guess like that. So that he gives his head and said He stands up, there's a fucking black around the other side of the store. So as the story goes, I didn't see it, but he punched the bear right in the nose and then ran the other way for the car. And so this part I remember now suppose it was a station wagon and everyone had to run, was yelling running to the station. And we all around the station like it. But this bear took off motherfuckin direction. Wanted no part of this shit booking. Yeah, back John tell you.

spk_1:   26:22
So I live into that question kind of out bait thinking the Sultan paper story is funny because as far as I remember, it was just yet young cool head. And it went real, Doc. So it was a lot that that whole thing sounds like. I mean, it doesn't even sound like a movie. That's just something you never really even

spk_0:   26:44
evil. I'm not, you know, the close. This thing I remember close this thing. I remember, too. That was I was watching not the lyrics, but fucking that's fucked up. Shit. But I was watching the story. Larry Flynt, the guy from Hustler or from ghastly Under on. And when the movie starts off, it starts off shoring what things were like when he was a kid growing up in check and how things were around him. That's fine. I know. I remember things being when I was doing that back. Would you should remember my grandfather had Ah. Ah, here in this old Timmy guy was old needed guy working. They had Eastern shine or booze or something. Whatever. They had a shed and they had steals like I would never was inside of it. But I guess they had stills. Insurance. I go Or you could smell it fucking days. They look your liquor like a superstar, but then yesterday made you know, whatever moonshiner who's and fuckin you name it. Fucking reaping each other. I don't know of anyone killing each other, but they shoot each other's hoses up, uh, shooting up a school bus. So I guess some school bus driver had done something. I don't know why this is all secondhand used to me, but I remember hearing my mom telling this story amongst your friends. Uh, from there? Whatever. And this is busy. Just I got it was a school bus driver that used to drive us was one on one school bus driver. Max, your small place. Um, I was just a doctor school, remember? He said Yeah. Alan Shit. Right. But I don't remember him ever hit nobody. Perry. So this must again. Not going on. There wasn't a school some, apparently he indicated or something. And so a bunch of the guys got together. So there, in the bush, with guns and shit. So in this school bus, right before he goes to get kids like these, their start numbers by scientists driving he will start. His day was driving. They shoot up his fucking bus, they don't kill him. Don't shoot him. I don't think I remember my mom singing when die but shot up his bus. I That type of crazy lawless shit. I don't ever remember seeing police there when I was there, that's for sure, Mac. Pure imperial everyone's last name speech. It walks in show working. They're all related because all my family and they're all fucking each other and raping Children. There is so much abuse and brutality. They're true. Yeah, so that was about a year and 1/2. That's

spk_1:   29:23
obviously where you mom grew up. So, I mean, we talk about people like in this kind of when we're having these shits about, Does anyone have a chance? But, I mean, her upbringing as well for her urgently to successful life, the chances weren't really they were there.

spk_0:   29:38
Yeah. No. You know, I've always been impressed with the fact that my mom constantly kept if I didn't trying to get us kids and stuff you below. She did terrible with his inferior me. I remember so unfitness she couldn't even know she was. Yeah, I mean it. My mom was just So no matter what neighborhood we went to a lot, we're always the worst fucking family by far. Like we're always work all the poor fuck of pills of any new who became our friends and standard in our house and fork in. Yeah, they just Yeah, I just didn't do well. But she had so much help, Jonesy and workers and stuff. So she must have had help from even before us kids were born working with her. Um, because I remember that. Like, it wasn't my mom reason as it was, my mom and system, right? My mom had a system around her of fucking workers in this night. Where, and they would give up her and then, you know, they should pull fuckers up. Then they take us away, and then that gives factor Pakistan eggs. Weird. I always thought it was so crazy. Here's one thing about my mom. This is what I mean. I love her, but this is, um, this stuff she did see, I think. Holy fuck. Mom, what are you doing? So so now we moved away from Mac. Your were, uh Yeah, we went to the reserve first in the max. You're not back. Women thunder based on, like, 11. 12. I'm just getting under our. So I was just turned 11 as then of wanting there Can't program. So anyways, point of this story isn't sure. His aid workers. I used to come and check our house and make sure we had food. And that was one of the things I guess. My moment. Make sure if I know anything. We were my mom or checks. We were her liquor money, that's for sure. And in order to get her checks, she had their food knows the obvious. This was, I guess, one of your condition, and so she would lock, although she would bite it like walks that your machines locks were little padlocks. So we had to cover its above. And the two covers on the floor level always locks arm. And then we had a little pantry that had, like, a regular door, like a regular bedroom door bathroom door. You know what? Like the single holder, you can put a fuckin ah, who would hanger through if it's locked in or locked those doors. And she had bought a lock for it. And when the when the Children's aid work would come, she wouldn't just take the locks off the cover. She would pick a fucking hole hissing off and everything. So this is a lot of you deliberation on my mama's part cause we weren't all that food. It stayed locked up. It was locked up. It was there for show, you know, I was a smart kid. I would have told that show that they were very don't you check the expiry dates on the sportsmanship. You know, sitting exact same fucking places. Last time you saw too. So we were not eat this food, but me and my brother, Of course, we're gonna break into stuff s so we couldn't get into the covered ones, right? Just because the way set up where we could get into this pantry door At first we got in by just fucking putting that card or a knife or something in the side of the door opening. And then my mom got matter disabused hit us and shit for that working. She got a lock where it was like a dead bolt locks so I couldn't force it open. So then I took the hinges off the fucking door, knocked over the pins and took the door off backwards. And that's how we get the food. So, like, if I wanted, she had fruit groups in there, right? So was And that the jobs a worker would have looked in some of these sits would've found some weird stuff. I feel up the box, we take the fruit. So we put very socks in there. Hey, so I still feel like There's something in the box all the kind goods of stuff we want. Like I still love peas and cream corn When I was a kid, so we opened up from the bottom. And what can take your time and just put back like that, right? If my mom were lifted, stuff up, look different kinds within the bottom socks in the fruit loops box. I remember that on we get this big fucking welfare bag of fucking Huff week. Summer shoes to get that bag was this biggest mean, Isaac James, This massive bag of fucking we don't get that shit. And Jonah

spk_1:   34:03
nothing. We caught rice bubbles. Think the same thing. Um, so what? So what do you mean, take, like on a daily basis? Like if you guys aren't breaking into that Luckily dinners or what?

spk_0:   34:14
So my mom, every now and then So it was. It was It was it was a pattern. My mom wouldn't get it, get the checks and everything, and often go drink. But she didn't get a checks at the same time. I remember there being kind of moment. Get be broke. It wouldn't be locked on our on around my mom returned was for Obama moments prostitute, but not consistently. She do for all of their murder Sizer we have no money, nothing. And she wasn't doing nothing. It and other times it was like there was a different guy in the fucking host constantly and for make the our to that he was fucking there, you know, kind of beer working dads or punish us or school duster is conflict fuck of shape. And she heavily watched him on shipping would be awesome, fucked up stuff around, But, uh, anyways, um, when she wasn't doing that part of her life when she was just getting checks and she was doing good and trying to get us back from June's eight s O that hold that crazy part was right at the end. So from 12 to 14 I ran away. So from what she kept doing it in charge, like spit 16. Um, she was prostituting and most craziest, fucked up. I've ever seen my mom. You, right? We lived on Simpson Street. We call it Sesame Street because it was a fucking just puppet show Muppets So down there and my mom's nickname Her name was bad user when called Betty Boo. I remember standing in front of the triple nickel arcade. Well, it's turned into a bar used to be in our cave, used to sell lead in front and me and my friends hanging out there. And then I'll send my friends like, Is that your mom and running across the street? There's the swimming going woo with their hands up in the air and her shirt lifted up. Hold up overhead that that and her take sponsors to hear. And that's my mom was my friend. I don't else it that doesn't your mom over there. Look, Oh my what? Six cities. You know, that kind of crazy shit. They shoes to character. We were just so well known by police and everything, but her pattern was she wouldn't get checks. We'll be broken ship and be fuck all in the house. She got some text cause you had a drink, are picking all that shit and then maybe a period where she pulls down and then she'd get more checks, and that's when she get, like, a little bit of food for us. But it was like the food in the covers that we can't passing up on the upper covers that should locked up. This is like shit that she ate two. And obviously she didn't start, Russ, But you shouldn't buy enough food for a month. You know, I mean, that she shouldn't, but she wasn't trying to not be excused on purposes. But, I mean, it's just so I'll explain. My mom gets her checks. She knows she's got to buy food, but she wants to get drunken stock. Whatever works well on her head. So she doesn't know what she's supposed to show. She'll get she'll get some food, like should get wieners. A bag of potatoes, carrots. You like that? Um, remember eating a lot of fries when I get a lot of us. Uh, and then, um, but a lot of time, they would be like, no food. You would have to go to friend's houses like I would get up extra early. And I'm not kidding. I would cycle friends. What friends? Hosting a group. Last setback. To go there in the morning and breakfast. My friends knew like Jericho. If I start the mums, would you know walking? Say wise? A year was you. It's hero time. Right? Um, shit like that. Lunchtime. And I remember getting fight with kids at school and stuff because I was still in their lunches, But I didn't want our markets Dealer launches. Hold on. Don't like this story's upset me. This is fuck all.

spk_1:   37:54
So when you when you went to school, So I guess you must have was going school, but of her life. And like, did you have to go to school? Um, And did anyone pick up what was going on in the home? Life at school?

spk_0:   38:09
Oh, yeah. Children's aid always knew what was going on. That someone said it was no secret. I'm saying it's crazy that big it was back to her. They take us once next. Fucking it. How the fuck she kept it was back. That belief they must have in the courts of the best place for the kids with their fucking mum to break because they kept fucking given us back. I'm most of time. I want to go back. So I hated my fucking farce rooms too, and, you know, whatever. I was desensitizing that was still home. And it was free. Do whatever I want No rules And because of just walking food, I will steal it in shit like my mom would send us to the grocery store sometimes with the list of since you want us to steal right and the trade offers smokes my mother Give me half a pack of smokes and I go steal food for right. So I've got something all kinds of crazy shit, all the time. Role. But it was just my mom, always in constant survival mode, right? And dragons kids around with her. And first, like where my step down was, there wasn't too bad, you know? I mean, that was are the most more It was. It was the most normal life I had even know. Like I was got less than twice used to get fucking hit bad for stuff. Then my mom talking for sure, too young age you punched

spk_1:   39:26
And did you because you said that you went lived on a reserve with your mom? Was that with you? Step dead. And you said that was a pretty good time.

spk_0:   39:34
Yeah, that was awesome. No, they do best. I ever lived anywhere in l. A was fucked up. So, like I'm blue, I fucking kid. Show me on a fucking reserve. Of course I'm gonna be getting fight all the girls. All the native girls like me, right? All they need. Boys wanna fight me on. Then I go to school in a little white town outside the reserve and all the fucking white kids there want a fighting because I come from the reserve. I'm too easy. So I'm fighting on both sides all the time. But I had my cousins and stuff The reserve is divided into four was like in each. You had a highway that ran through divided the first if I knew me a bridge and a river going through divided the other week. And the sector kind of was remain. People hang up, but there's only one corner store and stops into across this bridge. And there'd be kids on this bridge and stopped up. Me and my brother you fight with remember my brother Hank? It's or not. Bridge. It was crazy. It got so bad. Us kids fighting on the reserve with each other crack. There's me, my two brothers and then all my friends. So burning Bebe. Ah, my cousin Boo. He was like us. He was mixed blood, but he had green eyes. But we're all pretty light skinned, right? Right. We all got our dads structure, But my mom, she's so fucking pale English blue eyes, pale skin. We got her pigmentation. I keep saying color, but I mean no color. Um, so So, yeah, so lots of fighting on the reserve and stuff. But it was also the That's a me, but I'm stealing one of the best places I ever lived. I would get up in the morning all time and go with my uncle sy me out on the boat, and he used to fish and like like a freshwater fish from the superior massive Rocket League and sell it to their truck stops in the hotels and motels on the on the highway east side of the Reserve. And the unity and deals were there by special. And so we go in the morning to check his next and stuff, and I would get up and do that with them all the time. I remember when it was time for chose it so again, shoes. They came and got us from the reserve in the game. I remember they can't really remember. They must. I must have been a maki Carol spit assignment because I remember the lady explained about assignment. You must have been like seeing your while you take him. Uh, no. Salmon was really us, too. He was like Indian Johnny CASS. You were all black, black cowboy boots, blackout. We had a fucking but his boots for those Indian head highway boots so that, like Indian head and board into him, he had a choker and stuff, and he was really cool. We have powers on the reserve and then at night time after the powers have done, of course, you're going to be a small little crowd of guys that would come to get cars is that we're on a Drivers were unfortunate drink Oh, or anything. But you know, they get got around with the guitars and then start genial guitar sound, say, and then I wold during the day. But with dos abuse, they want sensible Move aside. Me and he really wanted to keep me in hours with him. I remember I was doing good, You know, I was fighting with all the kids and stuff like with school and waiting for the boss. We under at the last second go to catch the bus. It got so bad. Always keeps writing that they sat us down. All of us, right? Like the chief and everything. I can't remember his name and, uh, hereditary. So I was cool to usually cool half remembers any next Porter's mother Elder used to work with me, uh, and talk to us kids and said, like, Do you guys have to stop this where fighting so much? There was a big overhaul, and everyone came from everywhere around to go to this being on that was the source of revenue for our reserve. And we were fighting stuff. There's so much We got into a fight once in the parking lot. Cars all got damaged. Everything. That's why they status down. You just get along that Yeah, and we did were for the most part. Where was mogul side of me working? Ah, I was doing really good with him and that he was teaching me it in a small frame of time known Tommy. Herbie. What? I was supposed to be good and bad rate. No fucking Tobias. Yeah, because I mean yes, a lot of interaction. Yes, way he helped me Rio, who I was. He taught me a lot of stuff. First year, he's passed away

spk_1:   44:23
on a dry reserve. Wouldn't that be the best place for the moment? Why we removed from that situation? You think,

spk_0:   44:30
um, removed from that situation because what was beating us and stuff my mom was still drinking was a dry reserve. But that doesn't mean people are, like, honored it. Right. And my mom was drinking and stuff. Still lots. She would go to this place called Ross Sport. I remember. And, uh, people in the other direction nip again. Uh, and she would hang out there and get drunk and stuff. Remember, we stepped this lady's to baby sit us all the time, and this would go on right days, days practice, kissing with her daughter. Um, yeah, but I don't know why. Really? I remember. Remember, there's a food issue. Yeah. Why do you took us? Really? Cause I mean, like it was We're doing OK. That's when we're risk. My step Dad, um, my mom would raging hit us to My mom always said that problem when there was time When she got upset with this. We'll have all these boys had long hair right up into I. She might off when I went to the pet. Um, so just after just before I turned 19 when I was 18 and she dropped them into the pendant miniter night. You, uh but we all had long hair and my mom when she was matches around and she grabs buyer along here. So say she got me first You drive me and then run with me holding me by my hair and I'm not bullshitting Run, dragging me to get my brother Hank both Western one hand and then should be dragged me and my brother It was either runner get dragged by her hair to get our other brother. And when she at all three rescue was all by her hair And then whatever, she could get her hands up a stick, her belt, shoe, whatever. And just started hitting us back and forth. Really? Remember way me anyways, I would try and a my body in certain places if you would hit institute. You mean like it stopped hurting? A long time to go, right? Right. Still socks everything every now and then. You know, you still get hit. Were in places like side of your eye or your most or something, right? Tough in your factory. I never told. But she Yeah, I don't know.

spk_1:   46:43
You don't know this fighting on the reserve? What idea? That tastes like you doing damage to guys. Or like you guys do it. See

spk_0:   46:49
debit cards and stuff? No. Or were kids were kids were sort like I said So after my dad committed suicide. So I was when I was six. So from the 86 to 11 it's working their order of things and stuff. Who really hits me stuff for me because literally, like, sometimes once you for sure, sometimes twice a year were being moved. You're there, Here, there. Unless my mom hit us. Actually, when my mom took us to Southern Ontario, were there, Frank, about a year and 1/2. We're going to the reserve. It therefore you're happened. So in the other three years, really 56 different places. Um So if I was just remember all the places I was What was the question?

spk_1:   47:32
How old were you when you're on the reserve? What you just

spk_0:   47:36
so my ice I would have been between the age of 18 tents. Ah, yeah, Really old seven. I'm thinking more like 89 or 9 10 And we're break a year in a bit. Yeah. So we're just kids like you are, right? God. Well, my brother and my youngest, Berry hey, got his nose broken, but, I mean, I don't remember ever believing I'm trying to think about other than my lips. I would get bloody lips easy when I was a kid, but I wouldn't hide from punches either. I remember. Remember you wanted fighting stuff. We want to do that charity boxing match. And we won the first thing that I wanted to make sure that you were fisheye. You didn't turn your head just kind of Christmas coming, right? That's the worst cause you move your head away out of the 1st 1 you get hit by the second. But anyways, the guy were just kids. We were hurting each other Too bad, but my brother got thrown off the bridge and this is a serious fucking river. Goes out to to the lake Superior herring. Fucking deep. The fucking river. Like like I mean? Like why? From shore to shore. And he got cost off of it by the other kids. That's the thing to the older kids. Were kind of sometimes. What? Yeah, I know. They knew they could hurts more, but they actually held back, obviously, because we could have got really hurt by the older kids. Yeah, I was just keep playing through your area and the same with the kids when I was going to school and stuff. Yeah, I say kids, but actually, there's just too true fucking stupid white kids who supplied with old time Scott Pelley and fuck you. Camera music, his name. And I can I was I was speaking about earlier, and I had, uh, and raises to these two fuckin wicked and all their friends were joined on, but not actually get. Circles are honest and ship. There's always one of those fucking two always fighting with me, right? Because I came from the reserve

spk_1:   49:28
so fast forward, fast forward from the reserve. Um, we weren't touch on what happened with your brother and your sister, but what was the relationship like then, before you took off to Alberto?

spk_0:   49:39
Okay, Yeah. Um uh uh, I was doing my only ever provincial bit because they don't like federal after that. Uh, so I was 18 and I wasn t v c C Thunder Bay Correctional Center, and they call it the farm. And that's the provincial jail right there. Difference between jail in prison is prisons federal. You in two years bus to use this year in jail, mass preventable

spk_1:   50:07
and what they're doing. What did you do to get in there?

spk_0:   50:10
I was doing 11 months for a breaking inter with my friend Brad. I did seven months, 10 days off, the 11 months And while I was doing that, So that s so I was in another young offender all the time, like one side trip, 14 in an open a note and then assume that turned out out Boom street. And I went to do this 11 months while I'm in there, my brother dies and my sister ends up in a coma on. Then I get out. Um, I think you know I'm gonna trying to my best. My daughter was just born. My brother's daughter was just born. My brother died right before shooting. Born like they literally just missed each other. That's crazy. And I just remember seeking. Fuck. I'm gonna be a wicked uncle. Ongoing you He died like I got nothing the fucking basis on Like I could have all the intent I want. I got this time I look back. I was thinking everything I figured out, bro, are not the truth. Melon warning us and what I've read about myself the hard way. It wasn't like I was. Ah, good, normal kid. And I decided to be bad. Your enemy. It was like I was a fucked up kid. And I was concentrating to three year old Herbie. Good. But getting in trouble a lot along the way and really desensitize. So yeah, I would I do be better. Bad? Well, he was trying to stay on track here. Working. I always go up

spk_1:   51:32
on my story. That's Sarah. I think you kind of touched on it last time that when after that heaven with your brother that your mom wanted you to go out for revenge.

spk_0:   51:43
That's what I was gonna say. So So I get out. I'm are nothing but positive energy. And I start going around my mom, and this is what I mean by my mom is toxic to me. And she when it reached me and fact like I look back at night, I think I know what was going on back then. I'm so much smarter now about I lost time to seek worship from when I was younger. My mom American, we were not meet my head up. So this is she She went and found out where the guy lived in everything. And she be telling me stuff like son. I went by his place to see where he lives and and she really tell me his address and stuff. You're already so that ever know it. Excuse me, and Charlie knows that I'm already trying to think Oh, something to do and not do that. I'm really on the fence about it, to be honest, like a huge part we didn't want to do, Not they And another part of me, bro. Like in certain moments, Like if he was in front of me, it was not. Yeah, just my So what up? I couldn't even recognize him. That brought me to the hospital. I want great by her bed. And then the nurse stopped at any time. Was it all right there? And I looked at the girl. I was something that funny, man for fucked up man. Oh, so this guy was dying, no matter what. I know, if you didn't fuck it end up dead. I was doing it. Okay, But the point is, my mom was trying to really accelerate fucking deal. And she was telling me she she knows that would get you, like, about how she was looking in the window. And he was playing and laughing with this family. Really Fucking get me going. And then she say that, you know, she night Nash doesn't even know this, but should be saving. Your brother was, you know, saying he didn't want to die, didn't want to die, right as flocked. So So I was really hard for me to stay focused on turning good. And then my friends that I was in there with got out my cousin. So I was telling you about my cousins like, because in Western should help. They're Dodger. Are are the guys that went and dropped my dad. You're true to him being fucked up in the head and killed himself. So truly them die. But again, my friends and I were growing up. Her friends were cousins. Um, they're getting no right around. Sometimes be me West, all of us. And I start doing we're gonna sell Coke, Rosario. And of course, we we got a bunch of really clear what? We're just one night. We'll just do some on. We'll get the fucking work the next day. He said, young, we really believe this stone out of bag. That's the dumbest idea in the world. Uh, and we ended up doing all of it. What we started, we get and we want a salad and stop what we're doing. More to what? We ended up doing everything. And then they were sparking toe wherever we were just morning picking up much as we could and knowing that we were going to pay it back. And then we're going and getting fronts that we knew fucking We went in to pay back like it was then I was like comes to cry as a thought in Thunder Bay. If I start June, Time of fuck, they don't know they'll come. Your and I don't want to do crime. And when I'm behind this cold. My mom is really influencing my head and she's like, There's a couple nights. Remember, sitting over ther and she's late on the coach and I was sitting on the floor, but I must have been sitting on the chair for a little while to because I was looking at a few places. But where they're sitting buyer in the dark, we cook not with her like I was doing doing the coat, but with her. And she's sitting. And I remember asking, What does it feel like? Some What's happened to you right now? I hear you much, but, uh um okay. And then she started planting seeds in my head. I mean, no, she had me like I was basically going to leave and go do it. You mean? And then she talks me out of it. I think it was so weird. Hey, but yeah, And then I started to leave after that. On the next day, I busted left

spk_1:   55:55
at the start of the start of this year. Kind of talking about your daughter. And you said, You know, you kind of just stay from a fire and you see, it are but if anything happened toe like if someone did something to her, it wouldn't take much for many react. I guess your mom was probably It's a part of grief, toe. Want that revenge? I guess she's seen you was the only outlet for that revenge.

spk_0:   56:16
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. But what? Stop. She does? Oh, yeah. That's I totally understand why she goes stuff. I'm I don't have any. Like, I have anger at my mom. It's growing anger in the memories and stuff like my reaches all with my mom, that's for sure. I know my mom had a hard life. I'm actually really impressed that my mom never did fucked up stop tours. And she had asked Is really say that? I mean, she beat the shit, but she didn't do anything weird to us like kind of molester. Is there anything weird like that? Um, she had morals, but she didn't have more of the business. More than interested about that. Morals running me, but like, yeah, she really didn't. That's weird. I don't know. I just part of her for our fucking this up. Worse, I guess. And I forgive her for everything and yeah, and she's dead.

spk_1:   57:08
So you take off toe, you take off to Calgary. Um, at what happens to do their happens with you. Um, this Do you stay in touch off for that point?

spk_0:   57:20
No. Oh, yeah. I made a couple calls, actually. I was gonna get in a fight with a bunch of fucking labs. Flak, please. Fuckers. I never met never these people before in my pocket, like right. And I'm not being leisure nuts. And my best friend, doing time ended up being elaborate, teaching her bucket swear and Lebanese and everything walked in. Uh, but yeah, it was I'm not gonna go off on that story. Well, I was on the phone with my mom, and also Carlo did this guy show up and earlier there was, like, three or four of them, and they didn't want to fight me. 90 back down right now, they come back with Carl, bro. I remember thinking myself even said it to my month on the form when one as they're getting out of the car, I'm looking at, Okay, I'm staying in my moments of these. Fucking loves her back. Fuckin getting over the cars. Are there so many of them. It's like fucking clowns. You know, the car. Somebody said. And as a mom, I let you go setting watchwords me and I'm I remember my here. My mom talking sign. I hear what you see. What? Your voice coming. I rip the fucking receiver off the phone, and that was my weapon. It would start fight with these guys. I've been jump in this good Kurdish guy. He's fucking I have the best luck sometimes friends and being guy working. I got there and I didn't want nobody uncovered. I saw him walking in here, and I wouldn't smoked a joint with him and stuff room. I'm jealous. But I introduced myself. I can tell right away. He's kind of a fucked up guy, right? And everything. Okay, So the first guy media, I probably shouldn't hang Opus And nothing. And and and I don't see him again, right? We walk a bit, Warren and no. Yes, I said I'm gonna be period of it. He's a guy from the meat fruit house. You're on the thoughts now. I've only been in Calgary a fucking week and 1/2. Probably support, and I've already started. Got shit going these labs and fucking And they all started Whom Fuck I feel someone pulling me, right? I could turn and look, but he's not pulling me like to get your pushing out of the way so we can check the guy. Like what? This guy was right guy, right? And I had him pegged right. I knew when I was walking them as I got this guy sparked up. Definitely. This shouldn't be my first friend here, And sure enough, but now to no end up becoming French curves buoys is nearing. I should remember the good guys on fucking, uh, yeah, because I was gonna get fucked up. Probably if you didn't. I just remember jumping at first guy and everything. Remember it? You guys taking me? And then actually, I should be my plea there, right? Like that? Fucking sometimes after that, they weren't there anymore, But I'm not paying attention. Asked as he took care of them already, right. But that's in hindsight. Uh, but it was what were Oh, yeah, so

spk_1:   1:0:03
cool. It's just gonna take a piss.

spk_0:   1:0:06
Yeah, go ahead. Will you bring a fucking Okay? I don't need you here to tell the story. This fucking Aaron guy. What? Fucking crying, For fuck's sakes.

spk_1:   1:0:26
Sorry about them. Um, I'm gonna start a battle, Ebony. So I was in, ah, surface paradise. Lived there for about six months, and we're at a by and we lift it in. These two Lebanese guys got kicked out and they came back half an hour later with a couple carloads, and they took over the whole booth bouncing up. It's a numbers game with them, friend. More experience?

spk_0:   1:0:51
Yeah, it's true. And that was exactly what happened with me is fucking I was hanging out at a park, right? Fucking sure. When I first get their fucking I I go there thinking I'm going to go there and work in construction. I was like that. I'm gonna find a place to live, and I'm gonna start working. And all I got is the money that I had in my pocket. I've been doing cocaine ships a little few bunch of that. Um, I had ah, and some meeting some hash and fucking off the fucking, uh, Calgary. Go on. The only people I know there is this girl that but she's kind of crazy. Rebecca Clark, her sister was in Calgary and fucking, and she said that I could her sister second Stater. But I went there. That Okay, first of all, just this girl. I just met me. So when I was when I was in jail and they took us to the funeral for my brother, my younger brother, the one that was all fucked up, he was in the young offender side of KPCC, and so he came at the same time in the same bag, and then we went to the church together. And that's not the burial, but their church Soon for my brother, ever. That's called. And then he was sitting in the pew behind me and the correctional officers just down by the door. They were being, um I never had leg irons, arms they took. My shock was off and stuff. Actually, when it was time for me to go, you know, that wasn't But if you know, that was what it seems just possible. Um, and I was keeping on track. Your girl. Look,

spk_1:   1:2:19
you tell right you've never talked about your You've never talked about your other brother to me, it over

spk_0:   1:2:30
one that died or the one that's still

spk_1:   1:2:33
the youngest one.

spk_0:   1:2:34
Youngest one. I don't like him. I used to lie like my mom used the one that I told my mom not to ever leave my daughter around alone. Um, like with everything that's happened to me and stuff in my life bucking in and everything that's just happened. And my mom was like, I always watch for bucket. Make sure when my daughter was born and nothing's gonna happen. Her, like, happened to meet you know what I mean? You can weigh Ah ah, a guy going prisoner. Whose if I would have did a good job or not if I didn't, You know what I mean? But anyways, um, I know.

spk_1:   1:3:12
So you. So you get to go to Calgary, you go to Calgary. Those things happen. How much of how much do you keep in touch with your mom? That

spk_0:   1:3:20
strike, you call it? I keep calling back to my mom, I call her. I called back once or twice. One of the times I called back was was in those labs, showed up. I just have another one of my mom that time. Uh, and it was just basically, um the one time I called back, Sean was there, and that's the mother of my daughter. And right before I left Thunder Bay. And I'm Flight miss her too, right? Because, well, I was in jail. She's with other guys and shit. You know? Obviously, um, she she was like that when I was with her. She was were very young, and she's very permission mission. I was very fucked up, so I was I wasn't any better, But I wasn't promiscuous fucking with a Ah, she fucked around a lot. I just stopped for you for you forgive, but not really building up anger to urinate. Uh, so her mom when I got out, we're like, Okay, we're gonna give it a shot ending ready? Because they I don't know. I just really go Fuck you. I don't want to be with your right now. Like I just didn't right on, But I want to be there for my daughter. And they had a huge, like, mental dilemma body. Like I remember seeking lots of about it, thinking like I should just be the Shauna, the mother, my daughter. Right. But I was just so matter fucking Amy. I'm just good, um on. But at the same time I did. I did picture her and me and my daughter all being together. Long term, like once things calm down. So it's a relationship. There is, I call back. My mom puts her on the phone. We were fighting for that. And her last words to me were you? You know you fucking see your daughter or something like that, right? Uh, so that's her last words to me Now on the phone. What's your fucking first words to me? How could you do this to us? You get that fucking time. What happened? Used to you. Okay, It was That's a long story. What? She she was going away for a little while, and then she couldn't. And I am sure I was gonna I was off to do a puppet long center.

spk_1:   1:5:25
So your mom was your only kind of avenue to get in touch with the mother of your doctor

spk_0:   1:5:29
back home back then, cell phones and shit work wearing around here was landlines, right? And I knew my mom's home phone number, and so I would call her because my mom was kind of central base for people and stuff. Still, just cause we my mom, is book in. Ah, yeah. I was basically check on my daughter. How's Marley doing? That's my daughter's name. Marley. And, um, ask Sean is doing this stuff, and then Sean, I think maybe I I can't remember for sure, But maybe the first call I asked my mom to make sure Sean was the second time. And then maybe that's what she was. And we talked and stuff, and I told our guys do I went to Calgary to try and get working construction and get a place that didn't fucking We're going. Of course I fucked up on. I started doing coke. I left only because I was doing school, and I don't want to fuck up, but I want to come to Calgary. Good. I got here. I didn't bring any coat with me. I just brought my reading my cash. But they're not doing fucking coke here. And I just got worse and worse. And I was doing robberies like Rose fucking doing a lot of crying, man. And frickin four months free delivery, and yeah, I mean, they got me for not minor doing 15 years,

spk_1:   1:6:42
and then you you go inside and you keep in contact in And what happens with with human,

spk_0:   1:6:47
Like trying to arm stay in touch with my mom because she is the central base to try and talk to Shauna. Um and ah, I was actually still at that time I was asking how my sister's doing a lot, and it was very like I look back at it now. I really was going through, like, the typical Pacific grieving process. I remember it. I remember being another stage and angry stage prestige, working all stages. Uh huh. Because my brother was dead, my sister was alive. I focused it all around my sister on my pain and hurt. Just kind of Is there a let go of my brother in the background sample and yeah, and it still affects my relationship with my sister. Now I got you like the fucking asshole because Oh, hurry. Why? I can talk to you. It is just fucking have to be too much, okay to see how I look at. I mean, just deceive all of her life is I see, Maybe would have been different. They didn't do that to her infected her mentally physically gave her crawl issues and fuck up her arm. They fucked up her head. Yeah, and I don't think I ever over that I saw around me. I don't think I've ever there will be a still fully fucking come in terms of that part of the, uh I been thinking lots of reaching up my sister. Well, okay, I do. And then she's exactly my mom, and she says to manipulate me if I tell you both so crazy, because now I'm smart up in a little mama's doing, so my sister starts doing it a lot. And why was my sister like my mom in this way? And Yeah, because I'm sorry. Pushing, vulnerable to begin with. It's very easy for my sister. Step myself and Joe says no time. Want to run back to Thunder Bay all the time. And that's the last fucking place. I should be your own everything? Definitely. Fuck. It should not be in Thunder Bay. I have no chance of that. I don't have a life there. Yeah,

spk_1:   1:9:05
And then you said that your mom passed away. When did that happen? And, uh, what was circumstance around that And we were you at the time.

spk_0:   1:9:11
My sister let me know that, too. It's weird to me. My sister. We don't talk about Facebook. Well, when my mom died, my sisters, my sisters under let me know my grandma died. She sent me a message on Facebook. Just say so. I just want to tell you that Gramley died. Uh, sure, you know, it was so And they're saying with my mom died of my sister. Ah, just say, uh, sending two messages. He sent me one saying Mom's in the hospital. She liked ourselves. But I've been hearing this shit all the time. Everybody people are dying. People are dying. I said, make sure, sure. And, ah, another text with my sisters saying, Well, you got on. So that was both three years ago now? Yeah, Three years cool years ago.

spk_1:   1:10:00
And you're probably in the middle of June some tough times as well at this stage.

spk_0:   1:10:04
Clean it up and she passed away. All right, so she died thinking I was on the streets. Still, we're about to die after

spk_1:   1:10:16
you after you got out of the pin. There's obviously ah ah, space of time between then your mom passing away. How much communication, then? And like,

spk_0:   1:10:26
um, So I got out of the pen and I trying to by my daughter. 1st 1st report, of course. Of course. On. And then also, Teoh, try and reach back over the home. Not because I wanted to always feel that I should, you know, to meet as the sun or as a brother. I should write, try and see. And I know like it was gonna be bad, but I keep thinking I'm here, some of the older to moderate them and manage. We really do. And I'm gonna somehow figure out a way to you Have a bare minimum functional relationship with my mother and my sister. My father can't with a shoe, you know? Just my sister. What? Maybe I'll try it. It's been a while, so Yeah. So not much contact with my mom. I got out. Tried having contact with her. She started acting the same way. I said, I don't want to talk to you, Mom. Park account. I just love Just don't lie. She can't. And she says the son of not lying Or maybe I don't know. I can't remember And I'm like, Holy fuck, Mom like, and I'm even that almost sucked in. Write something. Okay, musicians, I remember my loss. She knows that I've heard her say her lies to you, Jonesy. Workers to everybody. So I know she knows. What's she doing? She's lives. And she just lice so much. Just like the life she's coming are fucking terrible. So why not just tell the truth? How fucking care working the truth be compared to these fucking lives? You know what I mean? Like, really, it's funny, but yeah, So she never fucking give me a straight answer so she would start lying to me about stuff I care. I want to talk to you. And I tried talking. My sister, my sister starts doing the same thing is my mom. And then they start a feuding with each other and then join you involved. Me and I was just I just got out and I have never been on Facebook before. Nothing. I was just overwhelmed with social media to begin with. I was just trying to focus on getting a job listing my parole officer all that ship. So my mom and my sister really on the back burner. I'll try. And if it's cool, it's cool. If not just good back right off from. And so every few years I would reach out and it was the same thing. This holes. Ever since I got I've never been able to actually communicate with my mom or my sister for more than the couple days on Facebook or give my mom my number. I do have to change my fucking number. And I mean, a few days earlier. It's so bad

spk_1:   1:12:53
I asked you this question about your dad as well, just to try and kind of wrap up this whole thing. But like, you kind of see why Did, um why did they keep giving you back team? Um, let's say at the age of six, you guys going to childcare, welfare, whatever it is, um, they don't give you back to your mom. How do you think your life winds up if you never, never had to go back there?

spk_0:   1:13:20
Oh, yeah. You think it would have been different? I think I probably had problems still, but actually, I'm a fucking smart kid and I fucking resilient. And you know, I took the hardest fucking road. I probably could, um I fucking still fucking turned out in my eyes. OK, um and so I think if I could have got to stay in a foster home or something and had my basic needs and shit, man, I think I might have been able to start working on someone Fucked up shit. Like I said, I started trying to heal back when I was still being hurt. Like I remember, you know, seeking that way. When I was a young age, I was already out of court rise. Like I knew I was hurt. I knew I had to you. Thank you.

spk_1:   1:14:01
Because I mean, today, obviously, I don't know. I just knew the tip of the iceberg, but, um, it's quite remarkable the way of actually ended up, what with all that negative in your life. You kind of talk about your brothers and and however, and end up you can't ended up pretty good. Like your morals of the air. Your life is pretty much on track, has it?

spk_0:   1:14:25
Not that I think it's such a such a precarious hold. I always have on it. I think I do it only out of sheer ability. What I mean by that is like like you say. Yeah, I've done pretty well. Like I haven't advanced placement of Lola. All my honors should to get some achievements. Shit like that. Anything I tried doing, I picked up anything physical. I tried to me. I've been the fastest kid and every fuckin school every fucking pen I've been to. I'm not kidding you in. Anyone listens to this parking knows it. You

spk_1:   1:14:52
haven't raced me, actually, let's remember that You haven't raced me it. You've never raced me, so you can. But

spk_0:   1:14:58
I remember you thinking you could beat me, bro. Even now it's fucked like I

spk_1:   1:15:03
could I could run around millions. Kobe. Either the end.

spk_0:   1:15:06
Roll your your job. That Matt Prospector that growth heroin. But you don't want to get off myself. I'm gonna fucking puke my friends. Come on, fight with that. That's on. You never ever, ever, ever go to the fucking sock. Go to the track around the soccer field. I thought you're not warming up or nothing. These guys right there all fucking good to go. I fucking go And my shower slippers in my PJs. Working the screen pastor giving the pen, but, uh, okay, halfway down, like putting around with my bare feet. It's that red crushed rock I run in my bare feet. I lean up at the starting line with a smoke in my fucking both. Ralph, the sports commission guy means over. He's a calling, leans over, and he's like, here, give me that. I smile on the city's like, ready weeks at me like that. You know what? I'm gonna blow the doors off because he's already seen me race year after year, right? Every time it's new, guys come in. They're the only ones guys can suck in the recently when it's been already they know. Don't bother. Uh, I'm not joking, right? Let him up on, uh but anyway, so saying, unsure potential and sure real and share. Just trying to do good is how I've been able to do good. But this stuff that takes me off track what I'm saying, it's so so dominant that my ability to get better is always. What I mean by that is like I've gotten so good that I was working in a good company and awesome girl for a night and truck. I walked in, I was doing apprenticeship. I was doing awesome. And I managed to go so far back that I was walking on the streets in a fucking cover. You holding in a fucking puddle? So fucking dope. See? Actually fucking it up. Just like a later. That's no down in off. And then pick myself up again and then go again. And every time I do good, where now you go sideways It What's notes so bad that it effects even how well I've done so. Say, like, See, I got to a point where I'm not swear no more. And I'm not being aggressive confrontations, and I'm actually boxing gold. Can I go sideways? Like what? I've backhanded that guy. I went and opened up his I I had to go to mission walking. Two years added to appendix one punch like that. Remember that, Remember?

spk_1:   1:17:30
But what what I'm kind of getting it is. So obviously you've got your addiction problems and your aggression problems, But the moral just still there and what I mean by that is like you said last time when you're robbing people, you any red Robin? Guys like to have morals within that thing. Like it is quite Michael, that you've got those morals from the upbringing and the influences you had on your life.

spk_0:   1:17:53
Yeah. Yeah. I've always always inspired the things outside myself. I definitely Yes. I mean, I remembered a young age door row, even feeling like I already knew. I was. I remember thinking I remember beautiful eyes in the concept. I'm gonna hold on to who I am and no one's gonna change me. I know what you're affect. Me. I'm gonna be you. Me and I just remember who don't under the idea since I was little and anywhere I went, you know, I had usually cooking at odds with the place a bit, but I really defensive. But I always try to do well wherever I went. So you put me in young offender Broome Street to the library of the school passions. I want books. I want to read, learn You put me in. Uh, you put me in a ah positive environment. I was I would want to start doing good. Like when I was working at the lab, but I was going to school. I mean, a classroom. You think this guy. I should be the guy. That's a problem. No, I'm the guy sitting in the class and all these Spartan assholes in the back. This fucking ladies teacher, this math teacher. She was pushed. They had her so upset, she was physically shaking. And I could tell it looks like she's gonna cry. All right, These assholes, they're still fucking life being boosting the back of class, so I can't remember what I said. Honestly, Cap, I just remember looking back in the living room and seeing something like fucking boosts off, come back and to use your cell phone or what? What? But whatever I said, I meant I was like, what I'm gonna do, I guess air. And then I remember looking back at the teacher everything I remember smiling, not mean. Obviously you stopped and then, you know, not in her hand and makes your eyes like No, I can't tell it. Said thank you and thank you. And then we're in the class. Resume that. I mean, you could hear working no sounding their quiet fucking class. So I remember. I remember saying something about we're here to fucking learn or something in my rant. Remember that? But it was, uh there's an example of where in that school is doing. Good old. So, yeah, I like that. All my friends and they're all friends that we're having some paper problem. So I went to Nathan, was number in the street, and I am having a crowd of friends around me. And I used to think Parker all misfits, um, everybody had something, you know, there's there's one girl. She's like a golf. Belcher's moving, drawn. She cut herself. There was a really overweight girl. She was also like both girls, and they kind of hung out together and they would became friends with me and library. Um And then there's this other girl she was supposed to just like Pulis teacher and actually became presence here in the math class, which is weird. Why? She's fucking super smart math as it is. Good. I'm really smart back to, but I didn't get to do any lab components stop for anything. So I did my math in the pen, so I know that I'm not, you know, she's gonna be. And so I partnered up this girl. He was, uh, she, um she was really withdrawn from everybody and stops you being my friend. Uh, there was a black guy there. He was really funny. Used to reading that. So, uh, not not laughable this condition, just this personality was funny guy. Ah, he was right from Africa. And he had some type of condition when he was younger that made so that his joints in his bones in his muscles like he didn't you know that he was very frail and, like his legs would look like he's about to buckle the time of his knees almost be touching right kind of thing. And so it looked like you said a hard time. But the funny thing is, is we all no depart books and you only get what books you need for what class. And you go back to your doctor and you switch him up and we're in the Camp Tech program. There's a lot of fucking Bush's text. He cares all his books for the day and all of this everything all in one big, massive, fucking like, like camping fuckin backpack on his back. So it's massive. Probably weighs like, fucking putting pounds. So when he's walking, it makes it look like she's walking away. He's walking because he's got this big change backpack. It is really because he has that condition. Like if he takes off, he stays the same way. It looks like he's standing but us cool. And he's never been the kind of before nothing. And I took him to the halfway house, right? And so he's a name is so usually what prison? We just have the size of this, that problem there. And we just have the food the halfway house gives us. So I make us some lunch and stuff. In fact, this is awesome. Remember, he was really cool working. Uh, he was one of my friends there, but that's, um But what I'm saying is that when I went there all I think I want to help people and be nice. And I didn't want you have been one anything bad around me. I always want things to be okay. If you put me around something, I I'll do the timing. Sure things that did their things. Okay. I won't let people bully people that no, that should happen. I don't care how much bigger the person is in me. I will get myself in the middle. Something. How you mean? A Every time I go, we can't wait like

spk_1:   1:22:56
this. We keep getting brought back to this in Greece of ST Thing. It seems like everybody podcasts can be so enough with the the Greece of ST kind of story.

spk_0:   1:23:05
Uh huh. That's what is this in saying? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then it gets to the point where if it's like a friend, then I'll go all the way. And then along the trouble I've gotten into he's always helping friends. Like I'm not getting you rolling. Usually there's a friend what happened?

spk_1:   1:23:25
Yeah, but we're on air and something to it. So wrap it up. That fact, men, this was an emotional one. I know what you know was obviously stirring up a lot of emotions for you, and but I was being only keeping together for some of those stories, but it is I've got a harlot. It's fucking remarkable how you have turned out and how I know you. Now. Obviously, there's being different days. But how, when and how you have turned out. I mean, it is remarkable what you come from. Yeah, and telling these stories. Like I gotta ask. What? Why are we doing this? I mean that such? Obviously, when we get through, you know, to some of your European stories and things that there are some funny. Yes. There are some aspects that are funny. But of course, the upbringing. What leading to that is pretty dark. So these first few absurd. They're gonna be pretty dark before we can get into some of the things that maybe

spk_0:   1:24:23
are seeing again after the first run. I think now we're gonna talk about my moment singing. He's just gonna be pretty looking

spk_1:   1:24:28
pretty dark. Yeah,

spk_0:   1:24:30
I know. But there would be, like, once we get past this ship,

spk_1:   1:24:34
the jail stories that are slighty legendary, like I can't wait. Vandalized? Uh uh, the guy trying, um, the guy trying to pay a prostitute with Canadian tire money.

spk_0:   1:24:49
Ah. Uh, e fucking, um And I'm getting a sexual assault charge put on his because it was a hooker. And when the cops arrested him. So it ends up showing like you're a sexual like your rapist or something on paperwork, right? If you don't,

spk_1:   1:25:09
uh, uh, yeah, touch on that. But you think so. That would make it. I know it was an emotional one. I hope you feel all right after that one.

spk_0:   1:25:19
Oh, yeah. No, that's the other thing I was thinking to. I remember asking my mom I'm gonna feel after everything. That's all good. But I remember seeking after talking about my dad. Yeah, for, like, the last week after. But it was almost pause because there's a lot of stuff I haven't thought about. Ivan just kind of brushed up on I I feel like I can do it. I should be doing a lot better, Mark, I feel like my head space hasn't been was positive and good as I like to be to be Honestly. So. So it's good, actually, that fucking are we doing this? Cause Yeah, after the 1st 1 Even though it was hard stuff, I actually did feel more positive. Like I felt more. I don't know. Just not disconnected, not make sense.

spk_1:   1:26:08
Yeah, because I'm pleased that that you are getting something out of it. I mean, um, I had one personality. It was counted and say, Aw, it feels like you should just let sleeping dogs lie and not really, you know, No, we'll just let Gillis be. Don't It doesn't need to tell a story. And I was that Well, we're not really getting anything out of it like he wants to tell a story. In my opinion, it should be told because it puts peoples lost in perspective. You think you've got it tough. You think you've got issues in your life, will look at this and also what you see it. People get your perspective from things then. And you know, as I said, things are going to get a lot more light as we get on. So that's I

spk_0:   1:26:50
think, where you think I've learned a lot of awesome things in my life for sure on, and we'll call him teachings for lack of a better word. And I definitely know that in some of my stories, if I can share some of those things, they're definitely things I think people shouldn't over learn to. Maybe I don't know. I know there's good stuff in there, and for me going through that stuff for me, it helps me brush up on it. That's why I mean like, soc. I went through something and the memory of it still bother me a bit. I could be doing better with it if maybe I thought about it again. And that's what I mean. It's like by going through it now. Okay, I I'm getting better house your perspective by going through it even though it is affecting me. So I definitely think it's gonna end. I've never done this before. And so that's just the idea that there's so my outreach workers Sunny. She's won that. She thinks, like just seeing it all. She says she thinks will do something for me somehow and I get what she means that she can't be specific. But I get what shoes I was like. I think I know what you mean something. It's good to just share.

spk_1:   1:28:01
Yeah. Is this the man? Appreciate it.

spk_0:   1:28:05
All right. Thanks Will appreciate the middle of

spk_1:   1:28:09
And then we have it, folks, the seeking episode off plain English and I warned you it was a tough one. It was an emotional one. Just want to thank us for getting through that one as we kind of touch touch on in the episode. Things do get lighter, kind of debating on whether we go into what happened with his brother and sister in the next episode of With a Weak Going to some of his crimes in Calgary, which both on the surface, sound pretty dark. But I can show you the crimes. One does have some funny funny speaks to it as far as the podcasts were. No on Instagram to check us out here were also on Apple wins that you so feel free to give serve you are What do you mean to do with podcasts? I would just kind of ask you guys, if you guys could just pass this podcast on the one person who might like it, we'll start growing. They're growing that groups we keep telling these stories. We try and get these episodes out on every Friday, so we'll be doing so next week. So we'll see you then.